Third post of the day:
Last night, I gave "Sammy" a card. In it I said: Thanks for the inspiration and Friendship. Anything that you may ever need, anywhere anytime, please do not hesitate to ask.
I gave him that card out of a deep love and respect of him as a person. His music has healed me and left me inspired to try to achieve anything that I want. I made him the card because in my heart, I had many things that I was feeling and I wanted to share it with him.
I gave him the card before they went on stage. He read it, partially. Then he realized that it was personal and put it in his pocket. After the show, his girlfriend comes up to me and says: Hi, I am "Shirley". I did not know that he had a girlfriend. I shoulda known that he did. He is a super cool person and a good man. I instantly started feeling guilty. I gave him that card because of my feelings. I gave a man who has a girlfriend a personal card. OOOOps.
Then I realized this: She is the lucky one. He has friends like me everywhere. He is not a dog fucking anyone over. If he cares for his sugar bunny, she wil be the one who knows. Again being the lucky one. Me giving him that card helped me to further express my feelings as a friend whom he deeply has inspired on many levels. I respect myself again...In harming noone I spoke my mind and heart. I do apologize for any misunderstandings.
K
Friday, December 22, 2000
I live in two worlds. In one I am a scientist, studying and reporting Internet technologies. I am respected as a hardworker who speaks her mind and pushes torward delivery of the product. I have earned this respect. I am finally at a level of decent pay where I can stand on my own without any help from my son's father or from my parents. In 1995, I was on welfare because I refused to settle for a shitty job. After a few months of waiting tables, I had to go on welfare to help support my family. Three months later, I got a job at Duke Engineering as an administrative assistant. Which means, I was a personal assistant to a group of seven scientists who did not know how to use a fax machine, but could remediate DNAPL. (trust me, ther is no simple definition of DNAPL) So, I stayed for two years, slaving away. Everytime I came up with a more efficient way of running things, they would deem it protocol. It soon became evident to me, that they did not pay me enough. I asked for a raise and recieve a 3.9% increas which equated to .29 an hour more. 3.9% of shit...
I stayed anyway. Duke was a big company, something would turn out for me. In December of 1997, they announced that they would offer a full years benfits, vacation, and pay to anyone who wanted to "go back to school" and get a degree. I jumped on it, leaving my woes of 3.9% behind. I went back to school fulltime and did not have to work for a year. It turned out that it was a premeditated move torwards major layoffs. I banked. Others became unemployed, without the benefits that I received. I worked hard and got my degree under two years. I graduated in May of 1999. Since then I have scrapped in the IT market. Now, I have made a good living. We are set. I can get a job anywhere.
While I was employed at Duke, slaving away one thing kept me sane: My art, music, and literature. I have always worked freelance, taking photos and writing live reviews. My biggest accomplishments have been with Metallica and Clutch. I have big aspirations in this field of work. However, ther are huge pot holes on this road of success. The biggest issue are in my self security and belief in self and environment. I have worked so hard on truly expressing myself as an artist and not giving a fucking damn what anyone else thinks. It is hard sometimes. I make mistakes every step of the way. However, everytime I look over my shoulders, someone is showing ther respect for me. I have walked a crooked path in multiple directions. I only pray that after each right move, I get a little closer to my prize. Which is: The journey in life as an artist who has family and friends who respect, appreciate, and adore me beyond my wildest expectations. Dreamer.....
The music I listen to and love, tell these tales. It has been a wonderful fantasy land where I can put aside my stresses of being a scientist and a mother. It gives me a direction and appreciation for life. So, yes, my art should reflect my love of the music. It makes perfect sense to me. Can I make a living at this? Will I ever do so? It is time to continue believing and get my ass to work.
K
I stayed anyway. Duke was a big company, something would turn out for me. In December of 1997, they announced that they would offer a full years benfits, vacation, and pay to anyone who wanted to "go back to school" and get a degree. I jumped on it, leaving my woes of 3.9% behind. I went back to school fulltime and did not have to work for a year. It turned out that it was a premeditated move torwards major layoffs. I banked. Others became unemployed, without the benefits that I received. I worked hard and got my degree under two years. I graduated in May of 1999. Since then I have scrapped in the IT market. Now, I have made a good living. We are set. I can get a job anywhere.
While I was employed at Duke, slaving away one thing kept me sane: My art, music, and literature. I have always worked freelance, taking photos and writing live reviews. My biggest accomplishments have been with Metallica and Clutch. I have big aspirations in this field of work. However, ther are huge pot holes on this road of success. The biggest issue are in my self security and belief in self and environment. I have worked so hard on truly expressing myself as an artist and not giving a fucking damn what anyone else thinks. It is hard sometimes. I make mistakes every step of the way. However, everytime I look over my shoulders, someone is showing ther respect for me. I have walked a crooked path in multiple directions. I only pray that after each right move, I get a little closer to my prize. Which is: The journey in life as an artist who has family and friends who respect, appreciate, and adore me beyond my wildest expectations. Dreamer.....
The music I listen to and love, tell these tales. It has been a wonderful fantasy land where I can put aside my stresses of being a scientist and a mother. It gives me a direction and appreciation for life. So, yes, my art should reflect my love of the music. It makes perfect sense to me. Can I make a living at this? Will I ever do so? It is time to continue believing and get my ass to work.
K
Last night at the 9:30 Club in DC Clutch's set list included: Who? Pure Rock Fury, Wishbone (which I am still singing in my head) Smoke, B.F.P, Going Market, Horses, Elephant Riders (yeah!) Immortal, Soapmakers, El Jeffe, Monsters, Marcus, T.S.V.G.
The 9:30 Club is Clutch's hometown bar, playing at 9:30's original location many years back. Last night was a nearly sold out show. Everyone had a great time. Family and Friends were everywhere. We met Tim's family. They are really interesting people who have been supportive of Clutch since Day 1. I want to trade tapes with Mr. and Mrs. Sult! They spoke of ther collections and I was envious. I met the girlfriends/wife. Everyone of them are beautiful, supportive, interesting women. I met longtime friends who all had great stories to tell, as well. We all got pretty plowed, drinking "soup" shots of Jack Daniels, Corona and Cuervo margaritas. I took so many pictures of COC and Clutch live. Heheee, I can not wait to get back home to get those off of the camera and post them puppies. Cuz, it was one awesome night of friends and merriment and I caught it all digitally! The most awesome part of nights like last night, is the music. The guys can reallllllly jam. The audience was singing along with Neil having a great time. I saw more women in the audience then usual. Which totally rocks. There was the usual cirlce of moshing fools, but overall it was calm. Calm enough for fellow femine fans to be front row, singing and jamming along with the band. Which, jamming is what the band does best. They played a long set, with many favorites. Since it was a DC show, Elephant Riders was a good choice. As soon as the lights came up after the show was over, we all milled back into the dressing room that was shared by COC. They were very hospitable and put up with alot of Clutch friend rowdiness. Thanks guys! This is where things start to get a little hazy. We talked about the new album, Pure Rock Fury (aka Slow hole to China.) Everyone who has heard it sings its praises. I can tell that the band is proud of this accomplishment. SO BUY IT 3-13-01! This leg of the tour has more nights, Boston and Philly, then it is off for a few weeks Holiday vacation. They will start again on the 11th of January in SC. From there, they go back out across the U.S. hitting stops in cities that they (COC, SWS, and Clutch) missed on this last leg of the tour. At 2am, we left the bar, stumbled to our car with memories, sweatshirts and one future hella hangover. It was all worth it.
K
k1331@yoo.com
The 9:30 Club is Clutch's hometown bar, playing at 9:30's original location many years back. Last night was a nearly sold out show. Everyone had a great time. Family and Friends were everywhere. We met Tim's family. They are really interesting people who have been supportive of Clutch since Day 1. I want to trade tapes with Mr. and Mrs. Sult! They spoke of ther collections and I was envious. I met the girlfriends/wife. Everyone of them are beautiful, supportive, interesting women. I met longtime friends who all had great stories to tell, as well. We all got pretty plowed, drinking "soup" shots of Jack Daniels, Corona and Cuervo margaritas. I took so many pictures of COC and Clutch live. Heheee, I can not wait to get back home to get those off of the camera and post them puppies. Cuz, it was one awesome night of friends and merriment and I caught it all digitally! The most awesome part of nights like last night, is the music. The guys can reallllllly jam. The audience was singing along with Neil having a great time. I saw more women in the audience then usual. Which totally rocks. There was the usual cirlce of moshing fools, but overall it was calm. Calm enough for fellow femine fans to be front row, singing and jamming along with the band. Which, jamming is what the band does best. They played a long set, with many favorites. Since it was a DC show, Elephant Riders was a good choice. As soon as the lights came up after the show was over, we all milled back into the dressing room that was shared by COC. They were very hospitable and put up with alot of Clutch friend rowdiness. Thanks guys! This is where things start to get a little hazy. We talked about the new album, Pure Rock Fury (aka Slow hole to China.) Everyone who has heard it sings its praises. I can tell that the band is proud of this accomplishment. SO BUY IT 3-13-01! This leg of the tour has more nights, Boston and Philly, then it is off for a few weeks Holiday vacation. They will start again on the 11th of January in SC. From there, they go back out across the U.S. hitting stops in cities that they (COC, SWS, and Clutch) missed on this last leg of the tour. At 2am, we left the bar, stumbled to our car with memories, sweatshirts and one future hella hangover. It was all worth it.
K
k1331@yoo.com
Saturday, December 09, 2000
Below is an email that I sent to my boss who was fired this week on a 20% budget cut/layoff strategy. We also lost two other key members of our team. This change was unforseen and a terrible business move. Note: never cut the team who is producing your product in a timely efficient manner.-email me at: k1331@yahoo.com
J:
Your last email was not the source of my stress. What happened at work was unexpected. It happened in a week that I was starting to get sick from cedar poisoning and in a week that we received an incomplete product. I was so sick this week. I thought I was gonna pass out. Turns out to be an inner ear infection. This explains the dizziness that I felt...
So, what did I do to heal myself? I rested for a day of meds and movies. Then I got up and went out and got smashed with my friends.
All the time, they were saying to me: Thank Gosh you still have a job that understands your respos with SAM and who know your talents. I was finally capable of explaining my loss to them as we sat ther, with a bottle of wine, at 1am.
I said: Imagine that we all work together. We work hard and we have a good team, a good schedule, and a good attitude and a decent product. Imagine that on this team are a few...idiots, but we support them because they are not horrible people. Imagine that all of your friends got laid off, but you and the...idiots. Now, everyone is looking at you to take the lead and support the team by yourself. However, they have given you a new boss. So, you don’t get a raise, or a new title. (which you wouldn’t want because one of your best friends just lost!) But, instead you get new responsibilities without anything but: "Thank Gosh you still have a job..."
My friends were mortified and begged me to find a new job. Our job may have been weird and uninvited at times. But we had a decent team and those things don’t come easy...
So, no your email was not the source of my stress. Maybe, it is my attitude about the entire situation. Maybe, it is just recognizing that what happened really sucked. Either way, I deserved to get drunk last night...
Thanks and take care...
Kchick
J:
Your last email was not the source of my stress. What happened at work was unexpected. It happened in a week that I was starting to get sick from cedar poisoning and in a week that we received an incomplete product. I was so sick this week. I thought I was gonna pass out. Turns out to be an inner ear infection. This explains the dizziness that I felt...
So, what did I do to heal myself? I rested for a day of meds and movies. Then I got up and went out and got smashed with my friends.
All the time, they were saying to me: Thank Gosh you still have a job that understands your respos with SAM and who know your talents. I was finally capable of explaining my loss to them as we sat ther, with a bottle of wine, at 1am.
I said: Imagine that we all work together. We work hard and we have a good team, a good schedule, and a good attitude and a decent product. Imagine that on this team are a few...idiots, but we support them because they are not horrible people. Imagine that all of your friends got laid off, but you and the...idiots. Now, everyone is looking at you to take the lead and support the team by yourself. However, they have given you a new boss. So, you don’t get a raise, or a new title. (which you wouldn’t want because one of your best friends just lost!) But, instead you get new responsibilities without anything but: "Thank Gosh you still have a job..."
My friends were mortified and begged me to find a new job. Our job may have been weird and uninvited at times. But we had a decent team and those things don’t come easy...
So, no your email was not the source of my stress. Maybe, it is my attitude about the entire situation. Maybe, it is just recognizing that what happened really sucked. Either way, I deserved to get drunk last night...
Thanks and take care...
Kchick
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