I live in two worlds. In one I am a scientist, studying and reporting Internet technologies. I am respected as a hardworker who speaks her mind and pushes torward delivery of the product. I have earned this respect. I am finally at a level of decent pay where I can stand on my own without any help from my son's father or from my parents. In 1995, I was on welfare because I refused to settle for a shitty job. After a few months of waiting tables, I had to go on welfare to help support my family. Three months later, I got a job at Duke Engineering as an administrative assistant. Which means, I was a personal assistant to a group of seven scientists who did not know how to use a fax machine, but could remediate DNAPL. (trust me, ther is no simple definition of DNAPL) So, I stayed for two years, slaving away. Everytime I came up with a more efficient way of running things, they would deem it protocol. It soon became evident to me, that they did not pay me enough. I asked for a raise and recieve a 3.9% increas which equated to .29 an hour more. 3.9% of shit...
I stayed anyway. Duke was a big company, something would turn out for me. In December of 1997, they announced that they would offer a full years benfits, vacation, and pay to anyone who wanted to "go back to school" and get a degree. I jumped on it, leaving my woes of 3.9% behind. I went back to school fulltime and did not have to work for a year. It turned out that it was a premeditated move torwards major layoffs. I banked. Others became unemployed, without the benefits that I received. I worked hard and got my degree under two years. I graduated in May of 1999. Since then I have scrapped in the IT market. Now, I have made a good living. We are set. I can get a job anywhere.
While I was employed at Duke, slaving away one thing kept me sane: My art, music, and literature. I have always worked freelance, taking photos and writing live reviews. My biggest accomplishments have been with Metallica and Clutch. I have big aspirations in this field of work. However, ther are huge pot holes on this road of success. The biggest issue are in my self security and belief in self and environment. I have worked so hard on truly expressing myself as an artist and not giving a fucking damn what anyone else thinks. It is hard sometimes. I make mistakes every step of the way. However, everytime I look over my shoulders, someone is showing ther respect for me. I have walked a crooked path in multiple directions. I only pray that after each right move, I get a little closer to my prize. Which is: The journey in life as an artist who has family and friends who respect, appreciate, and adore me beyond my wildest expectations. Dreamer.....
The music I listen to and love, tell these tales. It has been a wonderful fantasy land where I can put aside my stresses of being a scientist and a mother. It gives me a direction and appreciation for life. So, yes, my art should reflect my love of the music. It makes perfect sense to me. Can I make a living at this? Will I ever do so? It is time to continue believing and get my ass to work.
K